How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
