dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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