tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
