Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
