On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
