My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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