the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
