i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
