You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think your dad took our porno
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
