planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
