You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
