I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
