you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
