Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize