I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
did i walk over a car last night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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