Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Houston, we have a blender
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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