you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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