It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
