I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
