You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
