Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
