i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
