Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
time to smoke my breakfast
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
