I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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