he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
