i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
