What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
smell my finger.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
