I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
