She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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