You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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