when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
