I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my poor anus
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
