the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
