Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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