You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need a beard to bite.
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