Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
