God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
