My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
