I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
