My underwear smells like fireworks.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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