stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
