Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
