her vagina looked like bernie madoff
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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