$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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