I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
