The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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