Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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