I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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