last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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