you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
