You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think pants incapable of making pants work
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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