That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
