Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
