well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
